Birthdays, first baseball games and a host of other special events can inspire memories that people cherish for a lifetime. If parents divorce or separate, they have to find a way to share that time with one another. Special events like birthdays and holidays can be much more difficult to navigate in a shared custody arrangement than daily life.
Parents who approach special events with the right mentality may be able to avoid ruining those days for their children instead of letting their own feelings detract from the children’s enjoyment. The three tips below can go a long way toward making the holidays, birthdays and other special events manageable and magical when parents share custody.
Be proactive about communication
Co-parents generally need to communicate regularly. They need to keep one another up-to-date about the children so that they can make informed decisions about their healthcare, education and religious observances. When there are holidays, birthdays or other special events approaching, parents need to be more proactive about communicating. From the time and date of parties or school concerts to information about gifts, parents should share readily with one another so that they can cooperate instead of compete. When parents are open about their gift-giving intentions and schedules, it may be easier for them to share those special experiences with their children.
Address special events in the parenting plan
The parenting plan detailing the breakdown of parental rights and responsibilities can also include rules and expectations for special events. Parents can make arrangements to share, alternate or split those special days. They can have rules in place that prevent them from fighting with one another about who takes the children to family holiday parties or whose turn it is to bring the birthday cake. The inclusion of the right rules and standards in a parenting plan can make it easier for adults to keep the focus on the children instead of fighting with one another.
Focus on the children, not the parents
Parents thinking ahead to holidays, birthdays and other special events often center themselves. That is a natural human inclination. They want to know they get to see their children on these special days. Sadly, parents can become so focused on asserting and protecting themselves that they could do real damage to their children. Parents transitioning to shared custody often benefit from making their children’s happiness and stability the focal point in all decision-making. It may be easier to avoid disagreements when both parents focus on what might be best for the children instead of themselves.
Having a plan for sharing custody on special days in addition to arrangements for normal days can make it easier for parents to cooperate. When everyone in the family knows what to expect, the chances of conflict are lower. Parents who prepare ahead of time for special events can keep the focus on their children instead of derailing memorable moments with unnecessary conflict.